I think having an existential crisis in your early twenties is pretty normal. It’s the time when ideas broaden and develop, when we open ourselves to new ways of thinking and new experiences. It is the time when our beliefs and behaviours start to become ingrained. It’s an age when we define who we actually are, and what we stand for.
It’s also the start of a new, exciting and terrifying chapter: for the Western world education finishes, and society expects you to get your act together and embrace the adult world.
But how? And where? Where am I going? What is my purpose? What actually is the point of it all? What do I want to do with the rest of my life?
These are the questions we all face – it’s in our nature to ask these of ourselves at some point. And when speaking to friends also in their early twenties, I know many of them are thinking the same. There’s comfort in not being alone in these sometimes isolating thoughts.
So how to cope with these thoughts when we don’t have the answers? And also how to face the reality of where on earth am I going (take this as literally as you wish!)?
I think the answer, is to find what most fulfills you, and what makes you happiest, and strive to do that. If you keep making the right steps, and doing things that you enjoy, the ultimately you will end up where you want to be.
I still have no idea where I’m heading, but each day I know I’m learning more about myself and more about what I do and don’t want. Strangely, I’m more eager to learn that I’ve ever been – without the restrictions of curriculum and even university, I’ve found myself being able to pick and learn exactly what I want, as well as develop skills and try new things (now I no longer have studies or deadlines, and also have some income!).
I remember talking it over with a good friend, saying how I don’t feel fulfilled and that I feel I am wasting time doing things I don’t want to do, when I should be carefree, travelling, experiencing, exploring. This is, after all, the youngest I’ll ever be. But she made a valid point that I’m using the time now to work things out for my future self. I’m helping out my older self, so she can be more fulfilled. And another close friend reminded me that the world is one of the few things that isn’t going anywhere – it will wait for me until I’m ready to explore it.
As cliché as it sounds I do believe it’s a constant journey throughout life to reach fulfillment, as your needs and motivations will change as you change. But we need to enjoy the present – if we constantly seek fulfillment around the corner, then how can we ever be content?
So, at present, how can you be as fulfilled as possible in your current circumstances?
1. Surround yourself with people you love, and people who are positive. I find that when I’m unhappy in my day to day tasks, negativity ends up seeping into my everyday outlook. It’s not a good thing. So surrounding myself with positive people I love jolts me out of it, as I tune into their vibrancy and remember to gain perspective on whatever it is that is troubling me.
2. Keep learning. Keep your mind active, thinking of new possibilities.
3. I’m not very good with routine and structures – it works for some people, and having a degree of it in my life is really useful for being productive (I like to have a plan!), but if it’s too rigid I feel suffocated and constrained, as though I’m working to another person’s time which isn’t my own (this was a key reason why I struggled with school). Find what suits you and work towards achieving that.
4. For me, I know now more than ever, that I need to be creative in some way. What do you need to keep doing to feel that you’re fulfilling your skills and achieving some sort of purpose?
5. Make your space nice. No matter what the days throw at you, it’s always good to come home to somewhere that is comforting and provides a little retreat from it all. I used to underestimate this, but now it’s one of the key things I value and no longer take for granted.
6. Think about what you want to do in this life. Not because someone else wants you to, but what you want. And then work out how you’re going to do it. Sometimes you need to be selfish; it’s not a bad thing.
7. Keep changing, growing, adapting, trying new things. If you don’t try new things, how will you ever know what you like and what you want? As I said in my last post, change is good.
8. Keep talking to people – you never know what ideas might spark or what will come of an open conversation.
And the point of it all? I don’t know. For me, it’s to be happy – and if at times I can’t be happy, then it’s to survive, cope through everything, until the next happy moment. And then to remind yourself how well you’re doing and how far you’ve come.
Sx
Well Bein 